My external goal was to follow through with a specific training plan so that I could run my first marathon in a specific time. The goal was to be considered a success not if I achieved the exact time but rather if I felt that I gave the program my all.
I would say I was just about there as far as following through with the training plan. I did finish the marathon which I do not feel that I could have done had I not been diligent with the training. Do I feel I could have done better, oh my gosh yes! Which I will save for a future attempt in May 2013.
Running and competetion aside there was so much more than having an external goal that I achieved. I am on my way to mastering my negative talk. I have allowed this become a nasty debilitating habit of mine throughout all areas of my life. School, family, athletics and work. I can sit here and say that its all because I am my worst critic and I expect a lot out of myself but I'm beginning to believe that is a bunch of crap.
In the beginning of this external goal, I was so focused on each chapter and putting Orlick's ideas to test, that I didn't stop to see how self absorbed I was becoming. I secretly was proud of the negative talk and ready to say that it needs to be there in order to be successful. I will beat myself up and go harder and further and therefore I'm tough. Crap crap crap...
It wasn't until I had an eye opening experience while training that I saw the error in my ways. I was hurt, and needed to take it easy and not have any expectations. I ended up runnning a better workout than I had been doing without injury. I felt free, relaxed and strong. I kept telling my self to run how I feel. Orlick mentioned in the beginning of the book to remember a moment when you did great. How did you feel what were you thinking about. Chances are you were not telling yourself horrible things, or that this is too hard and I can't go on. When I starting to tell myself to be in the moment and only worry about how I feel at that exact time, things started to turn in my favor, as far as running was concerned.
As for other areas of my life, I noticed that the negative self talk was still going strong. As in most sports minded psychology, I have always seen the parallel from sports to life and it has served me well in my life experiences. What I humbly noticed was that my negative talk was selfish. I never stopped to think what I put out there to people that care for me, was and has always upset them. They fear my attempts at success because of the possiblity that I will not live up to these irrational high standards. It does not mean that they are not supportive, its the opposite, they want me to see me the way they see me. I have their unconditional love and support regardless of what I achieve and they feel its time I give that to myself as well.
That does not in any way mean I will stop shooting for the stars so to speak but I will work at being aware of what I put out to those around me. I want them to enjoy the ride as much as I do and they can't do that if they have to tip toe around my negative self talk.
My external goal was to be able to write with the proper hand grip, called the tripod grip. My improper grip was something I had done since I began writing in first grade, so I felt that this would be a hard habit to change. I am happy to say that, in fact, I have changed this habit, and I now write the proper way. Not only do I write the proper way, but I do so without even thinking about it (which was a part of my original goal-to not have to put conscious effort into writing this way). I experience very little fatigue now writing the proper way now (fatigue was an issue for me when I first started this process).
As far as utilizing the concepts from the book goes, I have to be honest and admit that I had some challenges with this at first. At the beginning of this course, I let the fact that Orlick focused mainly on athletes to conceptualize the principles in the book get in the way of my being open to the book. I had a hard time relating what he was saying to what I was trying to achieve, although I did try. Not to say I didn't apply the principles, such as commitment and focus, I just felt like the book was speaking to a very specific audience.
I committed myself to taking advantage of every opportunity to work on my goal, such as writing notes in class (a big one for me) and doing paperwork for my job. But I let the athletic focus of the book get in the way of my acceptance of some of the other concepts Orlick talked about, such as Intensity and relaxation and finding my best focus.
It wasn't until chapters 7 and 8, when we started talking about negative self-talk and positive images, that I started to realize that I was robbing myself of some really important lessons by not fully embracing what the book had to say. I realized that I tend to have really high, unrealistic expectations of myself at times, and when I am not able to meet these expectations, I am very hard on myself. This concept was so, so, so important for me to learn because it affects every part of my life, it is how I was living my life, and it was making me very unhappy. I am somewhat of a perfectionist, and this tendency makes me feel like I have to control everything, but I can't control everything in my life all the time. I even noticed my perfectionist tendency start to crop up in my journaling that I have been doing every day to practice writing. Every word had to be just so, and if it wasn't, I would rip out the page and start over (crazy, I know).
Another concept from the book that I was particularly drawn to, and this goes with the whole high expectation thing, was the idea of setting realistic, attainable, daily goals for myself. This is such a simple idea, but a very important one. I think that setting unrealistic goals for ourselves is the biggest reason why people give up when they are trying to achieve something in their lives. I set the daily goal of writing in a journal, and once I stopped being so anal about the quality of the penmanship, I actually enjoyed doing this activity.
Since the beginning of this course, I have become much more aware of my perfectionist tendencies and negative self-talk, and now when I start to hear that familiar critical voice, I tell myself to just "let go and be in the flow." I am learning to be Ok with the idea that 'good is good enough'. I did not expect that the concepts from the book would spill over into other parts of my life, but they really have. I am happy that I now write the proper way, but I am even more happy that I have learned to be more self-accepting and kind to myself.
Part 1. I've had what seems like a very long semester... I decided, for a plethora of reasons, that I need to work on become more excellent with my diet and exercise. I honestly think I could have done a lot better than I managed. I started off with really great plans, thinking it was such an easy goal. I invested in a pedometer, started taking more walks, playing more frisbee with my boyfriend, walking up and down stairs for no reason for great lengths of time, and all that jazz. I also tried really hard to keep track of the food that I was eating, buying more "low fat" options, incorporating more fresh fruits and vegetables than already and being generally more conscious of what I consume. I'll be honest... I ate an excessive amount of plain Special K cereal with frozen berries this semester. Probably the best food ever.
Reading Orlick always made me feel like I could run a marathon. Even though what he was talking about wasn't necessarily groundbreaking, I always ended a chapter thinking, "Yeah, I can totally do that!" A lot easier said than done. There were a lot of spokes on the wheel of excellence that I needed to work on: distraction control, commitment, and confidence were the ones that initially stood out to me. I definitely approached the wheel with the wrong attitude. I started trying to cut out the things that kept me distracted from going out and getting exercising. I didn't play video games for a few months specifically for that reason...
I even started applying the Orlick message to other aspects of my life, like general stress management. The autogenic training from class especially helped me with the test anxiety I felt when I was studying for my classes. I was getting all my readings done, keeping up on all my homework, and I truly felt like I was finally going to have an excellent semester.
It all started off fairly promisingly, but it honestly didn't last for very long. In about mid-October, things took a turn for the incredibly unproductive. One thing I never really took into consideration as far a my success was concerned was my mental readiness. I assumed that since I had the thoughts that I could make all the changes, that I just could. Unfortunately, I had a very difficult time with all the positive thoughts and focusing on positive aspects of my experiences. I dealt with some pretty serious family issues at the beginning of October, and my mental state declined after that. I wouldn't admit it to myself at the time, but I was deeply depressed. My mind was racing at night, so I wasn't sleeping. I was too tired during the day to actually get anything done, and I took the lazy route for everything. I opted to play video games, which is relatively mindless, instead of focusing on school. I had to fight with myself to get out of bed in the morning and go to class--the concept of being around people was just frightening. I essentially gave up. I kept telling myself that I was making progress, but it was kind of crap.
Everything Orlick talks about on the journey to excellence involves being positive, clinging to positive experiences, staying committed to all of the positive outcomes of practice... I could do nothing but focus on how I was failing, or how I might set myself up to fail. I started blaming myself for not being perfect. Positive imagery is really difficult when your life is clouded by sadness and worry. I lost all ability to get relaxed through autogenic training exercises or to escape into any sense of self-hypnosis or zen, my mind was just too muddy. I tried to just tell myself to STOP thinking negatively about myself or my environment, but that would never help. Those thoughts were a plague.
I wasn't sure if I wanted to bring that up in this summary, it's sort of uncomfortable for me to face and not exactly what other people want to read about. I realize that I feel like I failed at being excellent, but I think I learned a lot from looking on this whole experience retrospectively. I have finally admitted that I need help. It's not normal to feel this way all the time, so I'm now getting counseling. I'm hoping that I won't talk myself out of going, and if this specific kind of counseling doesn't help, I'm going to try something else. This, I think, is the true journey of excellence that I need to take: getting my mental health taken care of. If getting physically healthier was a 10 on the scale, this is a 20.
I have high hopes for my excellent future, and I intend to try to make things better with the skills I've learned from class. It's a long road ahead. My boyfriend and I have discovered the intense fun of paintball, which has helped Nathan to acknowledge that he needs to be in better shape as well. Now, I have a partner in my journey towards healthy living. It will hopefully be easier with someone else to help motivate me along with my own personal means of motivation.
I know this isn't the same summary other people have... and I don't know if I took away from this experience exactly what I should have, but it is what it is. I figured, in the end, I can't write some fluffy bullshit about how things went "okay" like I have been all semester. Honestly, I kind of failed. Chapter 21 in The Pursuit of Excellence is about resilience, and that's where I'm at. I'm getting to know myself, figuring out what's best for me, and hopefully will come to a point when I can make drastic and excellent changes for myself.
My external goal was to follow through with a specific training plan so that I could run my first marathon in a specific time. The goal was to be considered a success not if I achieved the exact time but rather if I felt that I gave the program my all.
ReplyDeleteI would say I was just about there as far as following through with the training plan. I did finish the marathon which I do not feel that I could have done had I not been diligent with the training. Do I feel I could have done better, oh my gosh yes! Which I will save for a future attempt in May 2013.
Running and competetion aside there was so much more than having an external goal that I achieved. I am on my way to mastering my negative talk. I have allowed this become a nasty debilitating habit of mine throughout all areas of my life. School, family, athletics and work. I can sit here and say that its all because I am my worst critic and I expect a lot out of myself but I'm beginning to believe that is a bunch of crap.
In the beginning of this external goal, I was so focused on each chapter and putting Orlick's ideas to test, that I didn't stop to see how self absorbed I was becoming. I secretly was proud of the negative talk and ready to say that it needs to be there in order to be successful. I will beat myself up and go harder and further and therefore I'm tough. Crap crap crap...
It wasn't until I had an eye opening experience while training that I saw the error in my ways. I was hurt, and needed to take it easy and not have any expectations. I ended up runnning a better workout than I had been doing without injury. I felt free, relaxed and strong. I kept telling my self to run how I feel. Orlick mentioned in the beginning of the book to remember a moment when you did great. How did you feel what were you thinking about. Chances are you were not telling yourself horrible things, or that this is too hard and I can't go on. When I starting to tell myself to be in the moment and only worry about how I feel at that exact time, things started to turn in my favor, as far as running was concerned.
As for other areas of my life, I noticed that the negative self talk was still going strong. As in most sports minded psychology, I have always seen the parallel from sports to life and it has served me well in my life experiences. What I humbly noticed was that my negative talk was selfish. I never stopped to think what I put out there to people that care for me, was and has always upset them. They fear my attempts at success because of the possiblity that I will not live up to these irrational high standards. It does not mean that they are not supportive, its the opposite, they want me to see me the way they see me. I have their unconditional love and support regardless of what I achieve and they feel its time I give that to myself as well.
That does not in any way mean I will stop shooting for the stars so to speak but I will work at being aware of what I put out to those around me. I want them to enjoy the ride as much as I do and they can't do that if they have to tip toe around my negative self talk.
My external goal was to be able to write with the proper hand grip, called the tripod grip. My improper grip was something I had done since I began writing in first grade, so I felt that this would be a hard habit to change. I am happy to say that, in fact, I have changed this habit, and I now write the proper way. Not only do I write the proper way, but I do so without even thinking about it (which was a part of my original goal-to not have to put conscious effort into writing this way). I experience very little fatigue now writing the proper way now (fatigue was an issue for me when I first started this process).
ReplyDeleteAs far as utilizing the concepts from the book goes, I have to be honest and admit that I had some challenges with this at first. At the beginning of this course, I let the fact that Orlick focused mainly on athletes to conceptualize the principles in the book get in the way of my being open to the book. I had a hard time relating what he was saying to what I was trying to achieve, although I did try. Not to say I didn't apply the principles, such as commitment and focus, I just felt like the book was speaking to a very specific audience.
I committed myself to taking advantage of every opportunity to work on my goal, such as writing notes in class (a big one for me) and doing paperwork for my job. But I let the athletic focus of the book get in the way of my acceptance of some of the other concepts Orlick talked about, such as Intensity and relaxation and finding my best focus.
It wasn't until chapters 7 and 8, when we started talking about negative self-talk and positive images, that I started to realize that I was robbing myself of some really important lessons by not fully embracing what the book had to say. I realized that I tend to have really high, unrealistic expectations of myself at times, and when I am not able to meet these expectations, I am very hard on myself. This concept was so, so, so important for me to learn because it affects every part of my life, it is how I was living my life, and it was making me very unhappy. I am somewhat of a perfectionist, and this tendency makes me feel like I have to control everything, but I can't control everything in my life all the time. I even noticed my perfectionist tendency start to crop up in my journaling that I have been doing every day to practice writing. Every word had to be just so, and if it wasn't, I would rip out the page and start over (crazy, I know).
Another concept from the book that I was particularly drawn to, and this goes with the whole high expectation thing, was the idea of setting realistic, attainable, daily goals for myself. This is such a simple idea, but a very important one. I think that setting unrealistic goals for ourselves is the biggest reason why people give up when they are trying to achieve something in their lives. I set the daily goal of writing in a journal, and once I stopped being so anal about the quality of the penmanship, I actually enjoyed doing this activity.
Since the beginning of this course, I have become much more aware of my perfectionist tendencies and negative self-talk, and now when I start to hear that familiar critical voice, I tell myself to just "let go and be in the flow."
I am learning to be Ok with the idea that 'good is good enough'. I did not expect that the concepts from the book would spill over into other parts of my life, but they really have. I am happy that I now write the proper way, but I am even more happy that I have learned to be more self-accepting and kind to myself.
Part 1.
ReplyDeleteI've had what seems like a very long semester... I decided, for a plethora of reasons, that I need to work on become more excellent with my diet and exercise. I honestly think I could have done a lot better than I managed. I started off with really great plans, thinking it was such an easy goal. I invested in a pedometer, started taking more walks, playing more frisbee with my boyfriend, walking up and down stairs for no reason for great lengths of time, and all that jazz. I also tried really hard to keep track of the food that I was eating, buying more "low fat" options, incorporating more fresh fruits and vegetables than already and being generally more conscious of what I consume. I'll be honest... I ate an excessive amount of plain Special K cereal with frozen berries this semester. Probably the best food ever.
Reading Orlick always made me feel like I could run a marathon. Even though what he was talking about wasn't necessarily groundbreaking, I always ended a chapter thinking, "Yeah, I can totally do that!" A lot easier said than done. There were a lot of spokes on the wheel of excellence that I needed to work on: distraction control, commitment, and confidence were the ones that initially stood out to me. I definitely approached the wheel with the wrong attitude. I started trying to cut out the things that kept me distracted from going out and getting exercising. I didn't play video games for a few months specifically for that reason...
I even started applying the Orlick message to other aspects of my life, like general stress management. The autogenic training from class especially helped me with the test anxiety I felt when I was studying for my classes. I was getting all my readings done, keeping up on all my homework, and I truly felt like I was finally going to have an excellent semester.
It all started off fairly promisingly, but it honestly didn't last for very long. In about mid-October, things took a turn for the incredibly unproductive. One thing I never really took into consideration as far a my success was concerned was my mental readiness. I assumed that since I had the thoughts that I could make all the changes, that I just could. Unfortunately, I had a very difficult time with all the positive thoughts and focusing on positive aspects of my experiences. I dealt with some pretty serious family issues at the beginning of October, and my mental state declined after that. I wouldn't admit it to myself at the time, but I was deeply depressed. My mind was racing at night, so I wasn't sleeping. I was too tired during the day to actually get anything done, and I took the lazy route for everything. I opted to play video games, which is relatively mindless, instead of focusing on school. I had to fight with myself to get out of bed in the morning and go to class--the concept of being around people was just frightening. I essentially gave up. I kept telling myself that I was making progress, but it was kind of crap.
Part 2.
ReplyDeleteEverything Orlick talks about on the journey to excellence involves being positive, clinging to positive experiences, staying committed to all of the positive outcomes of practice... I could do nothing but focus on how I was failing, or how I might set myself up to fail. I started blaming myself for not being perfect. Positive imagery is really difficult when your life is clouded by sadness and worry. I lost all ability to get relaxed through autogenic training exercises or to escape into any sense of self-hypnosis or zen, my mind was just too muddy. I tried to just tell myself to STOP thinking negatively about myself or my environment, but that would never help. Those thoughts were a plague.
I wasn't sure if I wanted to bring that up in this summary, it's sort of uncomfortable for me to face and not exactly what other people want to read about. I realize that I feel like I failed at being excellent, but I think I learned a lot from looking on this whole experience retrospectively. I have finally admitted that I need help. It's not normal to feel this way all the time, so I'm now getting counseling. I'm hoping that I won't talk myself out of going, and if this specific kind of counseling doesn't help, I'm going to try something else. This, I think, is the true journey of excellence that I need to take: getting my mental health taken care of. If getting physically healthier was a 10 on the scale, this is a 20.
I have high hopes for my excellent future, and I intend to try to make things better with the skills I've learned from class. It's a long road ahead. My boyfriend and I have discovered the intense fun of paintball, which has helped Nathan to acknowledge that he needs to be in better shape as well. Now, I have a partner in my journey towards healthy living. It will hopefully be easier with someone else to help motivate me along with my own personal means of motivation.
I know this isn't the same summary other people have... and I don't know if I took away from this experience exactly what I should have, but it is what it is. I figured, in the end, I can't write some fluffy bullshit about how things went "okay" like I have been all semester. Honestly, I kind of failed. Chapter 21 in The Pursuit of Excellence is about resilience, and that's where I'm at. I'm getting to know myself, figuring out what's best for me, and hopefully will come to a point when I can make drastic and excellent changes for myself.
So, thank you, everyone. For everything.